| ACTUALLY we only stayed drunk three days. Just as we were warming up on the morning of the fourth day a traveler entered who told us that the Duke of Ch'in and his party were heading toward Chunking, and the local fishermen told us that if we dared to run the terrible Ts'ao-tai Rapids we could get there ahead of the duke. So we bought a small boat and loaded it with food and wine, and a flute for me and a drum for Miser Shen. | 1 |
| "Good luck!" said the fishermen as they shoved us out into the current. "Remember that it is wise to be very drunk when you reach the Ts'ao-tai Rapids!" | 2 |
| The peculiar color of the river helped us to get drunk quickly. The Glass River runs through areas where the earth is bright yellow clay, which colors the water after the heavy summer rains and gradually washes away. In winter the water is deep crystal blue, and when we set forth the river has half blue and half yellow, which had a rather dizzying effect. We were in splendid shape when we reached the junction with the Yangtse. We hit a current like a wall, whipped around, and began racing downstream with our little boat bucking like a wild horse. We bolted past the Yenyu Rocks where the spray resembles a woman's hair swirling in the wind, and Fairy Girl Peak, which is shaped like a lovely nude nymph. We made it safely past the Frog, a huge boulder shaped like a bullfrog with water spewing from its gaping mouth, and we made it through the Shiling and Chutang Gorges without incident. Ahead lay Yellow Buffalo Mountain and the terrible Ts'ao-tai rapids in Wu Gorge. | 3 |
| Day turned to night as we shot into a gorge where sheer cliffs rose several hundred feet on either side, and which was so narrow that only at noon could one see the sun slide across a thin ribbon of sky. The compressed river hurtled us along at nearly one hundred miles an hour, and the howl of crashing water was like the screams of ten thousand dragons rending each others' flesh. We bounced up and down upon thudding fists of current, hard as rocks, and at times we bounced straight over sharp-fanged boulders that tried to snatch the bottom from our boat. The noise was incredible. I could not even hear my howls as I committed my soul to Heaven. Then there was a sudden blaze of sunlight, the gorge widened, the current slackened, and we shot out upon a broad and placid expanse of water. | 4 |
| The danger was over. There gazing serenely down at us was the Great Stone Buddha of Loshan, 360 feet high, carved from the safe side of Yellow Buffalo Mountain. Miser Shen was rather disappointed, since he had enjoyed the ride immensely, but he consoled himself with another jar of wine. | 5 |
| After that our river journey was the most peaceful trip either one of us had ever experienced. The time passed with such happy serenity that we decided to write a song about it.
"Today there is no wind on the Yangtse; | 6 |
| the water is calm and green | 7 |
| with no waves or ripples. | 8 |
| All around the boat | 9 |
| light floats in the air | 10 |
| over a thousand acres of smooth lustrous Jade.
"Li Kao wants to break the silence. | 11 |
| High on wine he picks up his flute | 12 |
| and plays Into the mist. | 13 |
| The clear music rises to the sky - | 14 |
| an ape in the mountains | 15 |
| screaming at the moon; | 16 |
| a creek rushing through a gully. | 17 |
| Miser Shen accompanies on his sheepskin drum, | 18 |
| his head held steady as a mountain peak, | 19 |
| his fingers beating like raindrops.
"A fish breaks the surface of the water | 20 |
| and leaps ten feet into the air."
I was quite proud of the result, and Miser Shen rashly declared that it was not unworthy of Yang Wan-li. We passed many famous landmarks as we drifted downstream, and one day Miser Shen pointed ahead and said: | 21 |
| "Li Kao, that cliff rising from the river bank is called Stone Bell Mountain. They say that small boats can sail right inside it to a place called the Cavern of Bells, which is some sort of temple now, the Temple of the Peddler I believe they call it, but the important thing is that when the water rises - as it is rising now - the waves strike strangely shaped stones which make beautiful music. I would greatly like to hear that." | 22 |
| "And so would I!" I said. | 23 |
| When our little boat drifted inside the entrance of the cavern we cried out in wonder and delight, for it was like one of those undersea palaces in Buddhist fairy tales. Golden sunlight bounced off the deep green water and struck crystals embedded in the walls, and the walls exploded with every color of the spectrum. It was a world wrapped in rainbows. The cavern bristled with the strangest rocks I had ever seen: some rising straight up from the cavern floor and others pointing straight down from the ceiling. They were like spears, except that the ends were bell-shaped rather than pointed. In the center of the cavern was a large black boulder that must have been formed from very soft rock, for the water had worn hundreds of tiny holes right through it. | 24 |
| The floor sloped sharply up. Soon we scraped bottom, and we tied our boat to one of the bell stones and climbed a flight of steps to a level floor, which was smooth rose-colored rock. We saw a small altar where incense burned, and some tables. Two of the tables were covered with jars of wine, and around one of them stood four monks who were scratching their heads and muttering worriedly. Three of the monks wore robes of crimson. The fourth, a little fellow with a black robe, came trotting up to us. | 25 |
| "I am the custodian of the Temple of the Peddler," he said. "My three brothers belong to a different order nearby. Please explore my temple as you wish, but will you forgive me if I do not accompany you? My brothers and I are confronted with a rather baffling problem at the moment." | 26 |
| He pointed to a long passageway that led to a small chamber where torches burned. | 27 |
| "Back there you will find the painting of the deity we honor. It is a very ancient painting, and very mysterious. I myself do not profess to understand it, and I live in hope that some day a traveler will be able to explain it to me. May you be the wise travelers I seek," he said with a polite bow. | 28 |
| We strolled down the passageway toward the small chamber, which was very dark except for the painting on the wall that was lit by the torches. I stopped dead in my tracks. | 28 |
| "What is it, Li Kao?" said Miser Shen. | 30 |
| "The painting!" I gasped. I started to run toward it. "Miser Shen, I am seeing ghosts!" | 31 |
| I was indeed. There were four people in that painting, and two of them I had seen before. The first was the ghost who had given me the crystal ball. The second was the ghost who had given me the bronze bell. Beside them was a third girl who I did not recognize but who was dressed like the others, in the peasant fashion of a thousand years ago. The three girls faced the fourth person in the painting, whose back was to the viewer. | 32 |
| He was an old peddler whose robe was decorated with colored pearls and lotus blossoms - symbols of Heaven - and whose hands were held out to the girls. Miser Shen goggled at the three tiny trinkets that the peddler held in his right hand. | 33 |
| "The crystal ball!" he gasped. "The bronze bell!" | 34 |
| "Yes, and the third item Chang Heng sought five hundred years ago: a tiny silver flute," I said. "And see what the peddler holds in his left hand! Three small white feathers. The ghosts begged me to exchange the trinkets for the feathers - but why? | 35 |
| Miser Shen grabbed a torch and held it closer and I went over the painting inch by inch. It was very ancient. Much of the paint had peeled away, and the top right corner was missing completely. But there was one more figure in that painting. At the lower right, gazing up wistfully at the missing patch of paint: | 36 |
| "Son of a bitch!" I snarled. | 37 |
| "Well, yes it is," said Miser Shen. "It does not appear to be a very good dog," he added thoughtfully. | 38 |
| "It is a terrible dog." | 39 |
| "Flawed." | 40 |
| "Right down to the core." | 41 |
| "We may safely assume that this mongrel compounded the errors of its unfortunate parents by traveling in rather low company," Miser Shen said disapprovingly. "One eye has been gouged out, its ears are chewed, its tail has been bitten off, and its body bears the scars of a thousand bloody battles in back alleys." | 42 |
| I bowed politely and sighed: "At least I am traveling in better company now." | 43 |
| "You?" | 44 |
| "Me. Miser Shen, I saw that dog in the Pool of Past Existences! It was one of my earlier incarnations, and for some reason Chang Heng spent five hundred years whistling for the worst damn mongrel in the history of the world, and now he has brought me here to look at myself. This is insanity. He drags me through a landscape littered with dukes who laugh at sword thrusts and deadly labyrinths and invisible hands and incomprehensible ghosts and Buddha knows what else, but he will not tell me where I am going or what I am looking for or why. It is lunacy! When you send your little dog to go fetch you make sure that he knows what to fetch, and if you send him halfway across China to look at himself you make sure he knows why. Miser Shen, I hate to say nasty things about a folk deity, but five hundred years in that pool have left the great Chang Heng with water on the brain." | 45 |
| Miser Shen cleared his throat and said humbly: | 46 |
| "Li Kao, somehow the Duke of Ch'in is mixed up in all of this. Suppose he had looked into your eyes and seen that you did know where you were going and what you were looking for and why. Isn't it possible that he might have chopped off your head on the spot, rather than give you a chance in the labyrinth? Perhaps Chang Heng is keeping you in ignorance in order to save your life." | 47 |
| That was something to think about. | 48 |
| "And another thing," said Miser Shen. "I have no idea what these three little feathers in the peddler's left hand are supposed to mean, but I am willing to bet that they would fit perfectly into the three little grooves inside your dragon locket." | 49 |
| "Miser Shen, Chang Heng chose the wrong man to run his errands," I said admiringly. Then the stupidity of that comment struck me and I added: "Come to think of it, he did choose you. You may be sure that he has a purpose for Miser Shen, just as he has for the worst damn mongrel in the history of the world." | 50 |
| "Oh, not the worst mongrel, Li Kao!" said Miser Shen, who was a true and loyal friend. He pointed to the dog in the painting. "You may have had a variety of ancestors, but at least one third of you was pure shar-pei, the greatest of all fighting dogs. Never in history has such a dog been known to give up, and it is no small honor to be related to the breed. Even as a cousin. Besides, you knew what was once depicted here," he said, pointing up to the missing patch of paint. "Perhaps that was what Chang Heng was looking for, and when he could not find it he called you. There are times when a dog can find what a man can not, and it may be that you are the only person in the world who can find what Chang Heng tried to find, and who can recognize it for what it is." | 51 |
| Just then a terrible racket broke out in the cavern behind us, and we ran back to see what was going on. | 52 |
| Never have I seen a more ludicrous spectacle. The three monks in the crimson robes were banging their heads against the stone walls. The little monk in black was running around in circles bellowing his despair at the top of his lungs. "WOE!" shrieked the little monk. "WOE! WOE! WOE!" bellowed the leader of the monks in crimson. The little monk staggered up to us and clutched our tunics. Tears streamed down his face. | 53 |
| "The most terrible thing has happened!" he wailed. "What tragedy! What misery! You see, we support our poor orders by salvaging goods from boats which do not survive the Ts'ao-tai Rapids, and today we salvaged wine." He pointed to the wine jars on one of the tables. "Half of what we salvage goes to me, and the other half is divided among my brothers according to rank. The leader receives one half, the second in rank receives one third, and the lowest in rank receives one ninth." | 54 |
| His relative calm deserted him. | 55 |
| "But there were thirty-four jars of wine, so I have taken seventeen, and now my brothers must divide the other seventeen!" | 56 |
| The leader of the monks in crimson decided that the stone wall was too soft and began banging his head against the sharp edge of the table instead. | 57 |
| "SEVENTEEN!" he howled. "I MUST DIVIDE SEVENTEEN INTO ONE HALF, ONE THIRD, AND ONE NINTH! I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!" | 58 |
| This would never do. In another moment I would go deaf, so I dropped a coin into the little monk's hand. "Allow me to purchase one of your jars of wine," I said. Then I scooped up one of his jars, marched over to the crimson- robed monks, slammed it down on the table beside their seventeen jars, and began to divide. | 59 |
| "You get one half," I said to the leader, and I slid nine jars across the table. | 60 |
| "You get one third," I said to the second monk, and I slid six jars across the table. | 61 |
| "You get one ninth," I said to the last monk, and I slid two jars across the table. | 62 |
| "Nine and six and two make seventeen, so I will take my jar back," I said, and I scooped up the eighteenth jar and marched back to Miser Shen. | 63 |
| I instantly regretted that act of mercy. The leader of the monks in crimson raced up and wrapped me in a foul embrace. Never had I smelled such a loathsome body odor. If I hadn't known better I would have sworn that the fellow had been dead for a month. | 64 |
| "My savior!" he bawled. "You must visit our monastery! We shall feast you and honor you and carve your sacred image and burn incense before it! Tonight is our great festival, and you shall be our guest of honor!" | 65 |
| The lout was holding me so tightly that I couldn't move, and what's worse he was planting toxic kisses upon my cheeks. The second-ranked monk was embracing Miser Shen, whose green complexion suggested that he was receiving a similar body odor, and the little monk in black was skipping around the room chattering: "...nine and six and two...he took his jar back...seventeen, by all that's holy!...that boy could make a fortune as a moneychanger...never know what hit you!..." I saw to my horror that the last monk in crimson had climbed into our little boat and was paddling it away! | 66 |
| "We cannot take no for an answer!" bellowed the loathsome leader. "It is but a short walk to our monastery, although a long way by river, and my brother is bringing your boat to our lock. What fun you shall have at the Festival of Laughter! Food and wine! Singing and dancing! The joyous release of the bats in honor of the God of Happiness! The ceremonial tour of Inspection! The triumphant sacrifice!" | 67 |
| I sadly watched our boat float out the mouth of the cave. | 68 |
| "It would never do to miss the joyous release of the bats," I sighed. "But surely you cannot ask such dignitaries as Miser Shen and Lord Li of Kao to walk to your monastery. Quick, go fetch sedan chairs so that we may ride in the style befitting our rank!" | 69 |
| "At once! We shall return in an instant!" the foul fellow squawked, and he grabbed the second monk and the two of them trotted up a flight of stone steps and out a door to the side of Stone Bell Mountain. I grabbed the little monk in black. | 70 |
| "Is there a back exit?" | 71 |
| "0h yes. Back by the painting. I will show you." | 72 |
| The tunnel was hidden in the shadows at the rear of the chamber where the painting glowed in the torchlight. The little monk gave us two of the torches and told us that it was a long tunnel and dark, but that it would lead us up to the west side of the mountain. Then he pointed back to the main cavern where the water was lapping around the black boulder in the center. "You will be able to hear the music of the bells at its best," he said. "The water is almost to the proper level, and soon it will ring the bell stones and rush through the little holes in the black boulder. As you go down the tunnel you will see passageways that slope down to the water, and there are similar boulders and bell stones in all of them. The larger passageways will allow you to go down for a closer look at the miracle, if you choose, and you will see that only the gods could create such beautiful instruments." | 73 |
| I made a generous donation to his temple, and Miser Shen and I picked up our torches and stepped into the blackness of the tunnel that led away from the Cavern of Bells. | 74 |
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